Miss Lohan,
I’ve noticed that whenever I watch TV, read a magazine, surf Google news, or listen to the radio, I am constantly reminded of your presence in Hollywood. I imagine that if we went to high school together, you would be that obnoxious girl who was always spreading rumors and trying to break up couples so you could steal people’s boyfriends. This is not a way to get people to like you, my friend. You are only 19 years old. It’s pretty sad when all of the famous people don’t like you and you haven’t even reached the legal drinking age.
Sincerely,
Someone who is tired of hearing about your high school ways
Don’t remind me that I just wrote a fake note to Lindsay Lohan. I know.